


Meant To Live

by LilyAnson



Series: The Long Road Home [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Confrontations, Guilt, Human Crowley, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Sad Ending, one-sided conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 06:18:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6041368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyAnson/pseuds/LilyAnson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crowley gets confronted by Ben.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meant To Live

**Author's Note:**

> _Dreaming about Providence_  
>  _And whether mice or men have second tries_  
>  _Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open_  
>  _Maybe we're bent and broken, broken_  
>  ~ Switchfoot, Meant to Live

Opening the bunker door Crowley paused when he saw the cat stretched out on the ground watching him. Shaking his head he left the door open as he headed back inside to grab a can of tuna. As he shut the cabinet and turned to make his way to the can opener he spied the cat sitting in the archway to the kitchen.

“Friendly little thing aren’t you,” Crowley said smiling. “I don’t have a litter box so you can’t stay inside. Come on let’s head out so you can eat and I can get to work.”

The cat stood up almost as if it understood what he was saying. Crowley shook his head again and made his way to the front door. The cat followed him to the front door and waited patiently as Crowley set the can down on the ground. Cocking its head the cat eyed the tuna briefly before attacking the food. Crowley smiled as he watched the cat eat for a few seconds. Finally he closed the door to the bunker and made his way to his car.

*-*-*-*-*

Crowley made his way to his bench and sat down. Carefully he placed the flowers beside him on the bench. He was really feeling his age today. He found himself _almost_ missing being a demon. _Almost._

“Afternoon,” he greeted with a slight tip on his head. “Actually not a lot of news today. Everything’s been pretty boring lately. I’m not sure the new guy, Jeff, is going to last long as a hunter. He’s reckless, more than Dean ever was on his worst day. He screwed up a random salt and burn and landed me in in the hospital. Doctor thought I should have stayed another day but I had an appointment to keep.”

In the thirty four years since she died Crowley had only missed the first Sunday after her death. He had been in the hospital until the following Wednesday. After a night of heavy drinking he called Lisa for a ride. When she didn’t show and he couldn’t get an answer on her cell he had gotten annoyed and started walking. It wasn’t until he had made it back to the house and found her missing that he started worrying. 

No one had been at the house. Crowley’s unease grew as he tried to figure out where everyone had gone. Finally after three previous calls Dean finally answered Crowley’s fourth call. That was when Crowley learned Lisa had indeed left to retrieve him but had been hit by a drunk driver and had been transported to the hospital. Dean had told Crowley he wasn’t welcome at the hospital and not to show but Crowley couldn’t stop himself.

When he arrived at her room he stopped dead and stared at the injured body of the woman he had come to depend on since being cured. Almost instantly Dean shoved him back out of the room and began yelling. It escalated and ended with Dean beating the hell out of him and Crowley being admitted to the hospital. That had been on a Saturday night. It wasn’t until Wednesday that he had been released from the hospital. It had taken four more days for him to work up the courage to visit Lisa’s grave. He hadn’t missed a Sunday since then.

“So the cat came back. Maybe I should name her? What do you think?”

He pause to give her time to respond. Just before he started to reply to what he imagined she would have said a car parked next to his and the driver side door opened. When Crowley realized who was getting out of the car he stared stunned. Ben never visited on Sundays and never this late. It’s why Crowley general came at this hour or later. He specifically timed his visits to keep from accidently running into Ben.

Crowley stood. Racking his brain he tried to come up with a logic reason for his hasty departure in case Ben asked. He intended to make his way past Ben without making eye contact and hopefully not having to worry about forming a response. He could only imagine what Ben thought of him. The person responsible for his mother’s death? Ben had to hate him. As they drew closer to each other Crowley chewed on his lower lip nervously. He stopped suddenly when Ben blocked his path.

“Crowley,” Ben said flatly.

“I was just leaving,” Crowley answered, still not meeting the kid’s eyes.

“The hell you were. You didn’t even put the flowers on her grave yet.”

Crowley chewed his lower lip trying to come up with good excuse for that.

“Don’t,” Ben huffed. “You’re avoiding me. You’ve been avoiding me since she died.”

“I wouldn’t call it avoiding precisely,” Crowley muttered.

“I would. It’s time you stopped wallowing in self pity.”

Crowley’s eyebrows drew together in confusion as his jerked his head up to meet Ben’s eyes. “Excuse me?”

“You’ve been avoiding me for more than thirty years. Okay, yeah, for most of that time I technically had Dean. To be fair to him he did try, but honestly? He never really got over his brother’s death. Mom’s death didn’t help matters. I can understand where his mind was at the time but that didn’t help me. I needed someone to be there for me too. At least Dean tried. You, on the other hand, ran away.”

“I didn’t-”

“Yes, you did. You ran away to feel sorry for yourself. I can understand why. You felt like, what, it was your fault? Something like that? You were new to those emotions. You weren’t sure how to deal with everything so you ran.”

Crowley bit his lower lip and said nothing.

“It’s gone on long enough though. Besides Dean you're the only other person that knew my mom. Really knew her. You’re the only person left who can talk to me about her. I can tell others what she was like but you _knew_ her. I can’t even visit Dean’s grave and talk to him like you do with mom.”

“Hunters don’t get buried,” Crowley whispered.

“You think I don’t know that,” Ben snapped. “I know that better than any other non-hunter. By the way you should have let me go say goodbye one last time before you burned his body.”

“I wasn’t sure if you were ready for something like that.”

“You got his car. I don’t even have anything to remember him by.”

“I was going to leave the car to you after I passed. I knew he’d want you to have it. I also have a few things stashed back for you. I just wasn’t sure how you’d react, especially with them coming from me.”

“He left me things and you kept them?”

“No. I just gathered things I thought you might want. Truthfully I actually gathered everything of his and stored it all. I just have a box of things I thought might mean more than the rest. Ben?”

“Yes?”

“I didn’t mean to avoid you. I just couldn’t face you right afterward.”

“You’re the only one left that really remembers what my mom was like. You’re going to have to start working on whatever guilt you still have left. I’m not going to let you continue avoiding me any longer.”

“Understood. Ben?”

“Yes?”

“Would you mind if I said goodbye for today to your mother? If you don’t mind I think we should go back to the bunker so I can give you the box of Dean’s things. I think he’d like for you to have them.”

“Sure. I’ll wait here until you’re done.”

Crowley smiled, relieved. He had come to value his time alone with Lisa. With a nod he made his way back to the grave. Reaching down he grabbed the flowers off of the bench and held them as he turned back to face the gravestone.

“So Ben showed up.” Crowley told her. “I, uh… I promised to take him back to the bunker so I really have to be going.” Reaching down he laid the flowers down on the grave. "As always, you’ve been lovely company. Until next time.”


End file.
